…and as I awoke from my sugar induced coma, I found myself on the cold pavement of Burger King’s parking lot. The air reeked of regret and the taste of artificial gingerbread lingered on my tongue. I knew I would not be proud of what had just occurred.
How did I end up here? Let’s flashback to a few weeks ago, our friends over at GrubGrade posted that BK would be releasing two new desserts featuring gingerbread. Now I thought to myself that this is going to be awesome, gingerbread + ice cream = a win. I immediately drove to my local BK to see if they had the desserts yet but was turned away saying they didn't have the ingredients.
The next two times I went, they continued running out of the gingerbread for the ice cream. So I thought to myself once again, “well this product must be good if they've run out of the ingredients twice now”.
My friends, I was wrong, so terribly, terribly wrong. Even after seeing reviews of the shakes that were anything but positive, I was still in denial, thinking those people were crazy and that this shake has to be a winner. I should've listened, I should have just kept on driving but the siren’s song of gingerbread and ice cream kept calling me back to that BK’s drive-thru.
This time I won’t be denied though, the eerie voice at the drive-thru took my order with excitement and proclaimed that “they can’t keep the ingredients in stock”. The voice then sheepishly admitted that she had almost had one every day this week. That was reassuring; if one person enjoyed it that much then maybe it’s not all that bad, right?
Once I received my shake, I drove over to an empty parking space to inspect my soon to be victim. It’s made up of vanilla soft serve that has been blended with gingerbread syrup and topped with whipped cream and gingerbread pieces.
It seemed to look innocent enough, almost identical to that of the promotional picture. Looks can be deceiving though and once I took my first sip my vision started to become blurry. The sweetness was so overpowering that I think my body was beginning to go into shock. I had to get out of my car to get some fresh air.
I could see the gingerbread crumbs but the taste was artificial and still managed to get overpowered by all of the sugar. I’m not sure if this would’ve helped the situation at all but instead of topping the shake with gingerbread, they might have wanted to blend some into the actual shake instead of that gingerbread syrup.
What exactly is gingerbread syrup anyway?
I really don’t even want to know after this onslaught on my taste buds.
I tried to press on and take some more sips but my body couldn’t take it anymore...
the next thing I knew I was face down on the pavement.
But friends, don’t feel sorry for my taste buds...
No, feel sorry for the families of the gingerbread men who lives were taken in vain. This has been the biggest genocide in the food world since the invention of fast food bacon. Let’s please have a moment of silence for those who were lost in the creation of this atrocity…
Verdict? I know BK meant well but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Buy Again? I will not be a part of the slaughtering of innocent gingerbread men for no just reason.
*Also thanks to my friend Justin for wasting 15 minutes of his life to help take photos for me.
Dubba's Disclaimer: Just to say it once again, this is a fictional story based on the fact that pretty much every review of this travesty agrees that it is sickeningly sweet. I'm sure some people like it, but they seem to be few and far between. Read other reviews here, here, here and here.