Wednesday, June 27, 2018

* * 120 Hours * *

120 Hours, that's how long I went without food while being tied to an IV and a monitor. 120 hours to get scanned and scoped and poked and prodded and checked and rechecked. It was a long 120 hours to say the least. I thought I wanted to talk about it but I'm not positive I do. You've probably realized by now that I am a pretty private person and I feel like I don't really share my personal struggles that much (and if I do, it tends to be more vague than anything). How about this, if you want to know more, click through to read more.

Still with me? Ok. So yeah, I spent 6 days in the hospital, but if you prefer to be precise, I went 120 hours without food. 120 is technically five days because I went in wednesday afternoon and came out monday evening after inhaling the evening hospital meal that was delivered as I waited for my discharge papers. Hospital meatloaf and mashed potatoes never tasted so good. Every time there was a shift change at the hospital (every 8 hours), I would ask my new caregivers if they had any donuts. They never did but they did sympathize with my immense hunger.

Let me break for a second and say that while I do hate being at the hospital, I do appreciate the tough job that nurses, assistants, techs, and doctors do to keep us all going. If I ever sound frustrated with being in the hospital, just know that it has nothing to do with the people inside.

Why was I there? Not to be gross, but it was because of bleeding, lots and lots of bleeding in my GI tract. Why was I bleeding? Well, they still aren't sure, which is kind of frustrating. You get looked at from enough directions (while not eating) and you really start to get worn down. The answer I'm going with is stress and diet. Stress about worrying about everyone and everything, and a diet that consists of way too much candy and soda.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of pieces of my diet that are where they should be. Yes I like fast food but I really don't eat that much of it. During my stay, I can't tell you how many times they had to ask if I drink or smoke or do drugs or take any meds I shouldn't. They kept trying to look for the obvious answer and a can of soda a day was just not sufficient for them. They want something more concrete than that. But you know what? It's good enough for me. My insides have been telling me for months that my daily routine has skewed too far towards the dark side. There is nothing wrong with a fun snack, but I've got to stop taking my frustration out on food. It didn't do anything wrong. Ok, technically a lot of things are less healthy than they used to be because of the need to bring down cost and increase shelf life, but it's my fault for eating without enough self control.

Am I rambling yet? I apologize if I am but keep in mind that they let me go less than 48 hours ago and it's going to be several more days before I'm decently coherently.

The bad news is that I need to really put my foot down on how I eat. The good news is that I've already covered the vast majority of the 2018 ice cream season. It's weird because I don't feel like I've tried a ton of things this year, but if I look at the list of what came out, I feel like I've seen everything by now (if not necessarily tried it all).

I am not saying that I'm giving up on the world's largest ice cream archive (aka On Second Scoop). What I'm saying is that I'm going to spend the next few months getting my ducks in a row and then maybe indulge in the less healthy stuff now and then. No way am I giving up ice cream. I had a little bit the night I came home, but rather than having chocolate chocolate chip (which I finished the night before I got sick), I had some plain vanilla. I'm going to stick with vanilla and maybe blackberry or something for the next few weeks and then we'll go from there.

Ice cream is just one of the things I eat all day. I've got to watch my cookie intake, my chocolate intake, my red sauce intake, my spicy intake, etc etc. Ok, I don't eat a ton of "spicy" foods, but that doesn't mean I don't have any. There are a couple of healthy choice cafe steamers that are both tasty and a little spicy and also sitting in my freezer unfortunately. We don't need to get in to the nitty gritty but I think you get the idea. Instead of my diet being say 60% smart, it needs to be 85% smart. Yes, I totally just made up those numbers because I don't want to set the bar too high.

So what will the next few months be like? Well, I have a few things in the queue plus the product guide. The blogger in me still wants to push out that waiting content every other day until I'm caught up and then just post as is. Will traffic to the blog go even lower than it already has? Probably, but I have to not worry about that. Like I said, I will do my best to maintain this giant archive as long as I can. Even if I lost onsecondscoop.com, the blog will still live on as onsecondscoop.blogspot.com like when it first started... Oh those were simpler days.

Yeah, I'm definitely rambling at this point.

So, recap: bleeding, no food for five days, still recovering, going to eat better. I don't want you to think that I don't try to be healthy (says the guy who runs an ice cream blog). I try to stay moving and I try to make good choices, but I just love food so much. Yes I eat all the time but it's not like I'm plowing in twice as much as my body burns. I don't encourage eating the whole container unless you've got the calorie burning to back it up (which I don't). I don't think I'm a bad eater, but I have to try even harder that what I've been doing.

Oh yeah, stress too. Gotta lower that. Switching the blog to a bi-daily schedule definitely helped with blogging stress. That helped with cost to as I tried to wait for sales rather than being the first person to jump on a flavor. Realizing you'll never be as cool as those instagram kids helps with stress too... this is a lie as I still feel I jumped on instagram too late. There was never a ton of people competing for the ice cream blogging space but there are so many quality foodies on instagram that I can never keep up nor should I try.

These fake stresses are nothing compared to real life stress though. I worry about my family constantly as well as the secondary stress of trying to make the most of my career and then also worrying about people and the planet in general. My doctor always says I have to take it one day at a time but my brain isn't really wired for that. If prefers to calculate everything that will go wrong in the next fifty years while reminding myself of everything that I've done wrong in my life.

Ok, I'll let you go. I'm sure there are a thousand typos and grammatical errors here but hopefully you get the idea. Actually, maybe I should just state my idea: Take care of yourself.

Be Well
D.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are not rambling. You have been through a hellish ordeal. It is serious when you are bleeding on the inside and even more concerning when the doctors cannot figure out why. I am recovering from my own intestinal surgery and I missed food dearly--but I was not deprived as long as you were forced to go without it. (120 hours is pure torture and could be deadly IMO--what were they thinking?) Yes, please take your own advice and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. All of your fans want you healthy before any review. We all know there is a person behind the picture of a pint on the screen. I know you probably don't want to hear about another person's own health issues right now, but, please, for your own sake, do what the doctors are asking of you. I did not and now the same debilitating issue reoccurred, so it looks like I will be going through another surgery. I hope the next time you post it will be from a much better functioning body and a much less stressed mind. Don't worry about us; we'll be here for you when you are ready.

Jessica said...

Hi Dubba, I'm so sorry you've been going through this and I wish you a safe recovery. Your health always comes first, so please take care of yourself and I'll look forward to your future reviews - whenever they may be!

Rabbit Girl said...

Thank you for sharing--first, regarding your concerns about blogging, there are other things you can do without having to take a toll on your diet, like just reporting news items, polling readers on their opinions, or even chronicle what it's like having to have ice creams that do fit into the parameters your doctor recommends, and I'm sure there are many part-time ice cream addicts who would be happy to contribute. It might make the blog even better to see opinions on ice cream from people who follow different dietary habits and therefore pick out different styles of ice cream. Just some ideas...

As for the personal concerns, I know how grueling the hospital can be, how frustrating doctors can be, but the real upsetting part is the fear that it won't get better. As long as you have hope that things can get better, and there are things in your life that bring you happiness that you want to get better for, and can ease the pain in the process, as long as you have that, you have hope, and that is what always pulls me along. Seek out those that have been supportive, and continue to vent on your blog if that helps, and turn to those comforts that are easy to access and don't require physical exertion-like favorite books and movies and games. Ignore this if you feel it is said in ignorance as I don't know your full personal story, but thought it might be applicable as the hospital is a beast I know too well.

vincevega said...

❤️❤️❤️

Danielle said...

Damn Dubba that's a lot going on! I'm sorry you were starved, but I'm glad you're doing well. Take care of yourself, well all be waiting!

Anonymous said...

Oh no! I hope you get well! You are the only ice cream blog site that I visit frequently. It’ll be sad to see you post less, but your health definitely comes first! Thanks for all your posts and ice cream news! I will still visit in hopes that you post something, whether it be ice cream related or not.

Anonymous said...

Be well and while this likely seems like a long road it's achievable.

nocode said...

Yikes! What a rough few day's. Sorry you went through all of that. Take all the time you need to heal. We'll be here when you return. Think happy thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Please take care of yourself! While I understand how uncomfortable it can feel, you might do well to talk to a counselor to see if you can help unburden yourself and ease your worries. It could go a log way to helping your health. Best of luck to you.

Chris Invierno said...

Dubba, I love this blog. Been following for years. I'd be disappointed to see it go.

That said, you need to do what's best for you and your family. I'll still come here even if the posts become less frequent.

Dubba Scoops said...

Thanks for all the kind words everyone, it's very much appreciated. Hopefully I will be good to go for 2019 season (in moderation or with help) and til then it will just be a bit quieter. I actually still have eight items waiting in the queue even now. Crud, I still have a few free blue bunny samples too.

The hospital didn't leave me with any advice, but I am seeing my doc tomorrow and we'll be talking about what I do next. We'll need to talk about stress and nutrition and see where it leads .I listed off the stuff I want to avoid in my post and then everything else is going to be in moderation.

and to the first anon, I'm sorry that happened, that sounds awful. I am grateful to be in one piece and realize that while annoying, my situation could have been worse. good luck to you.

Bulldoger said...

Oh Dubba, I’m so sorry to hear about your ordeal. I hope the cause can be determined soon. But I will say that taking action now about your lifestyle choices is key. And from one worrier to another, I can tell you that will be your biggest challenge. Controlling what goes into your mouth just takes practice but is achievable. Controlling what goes on in your head is next to impossible to control. My advise is to work really hard to just accept that there is not much in the grand scheme that you can control. Once you figure that out, you automatically feel better. It’s just getting to that point where you just kind of let it all go. It’s such a cliche, but just enjoy the ride without trying to figure out where its going.

Joe said...

Hey Dubba,

I'm glad to hear the worst is over. I arrived at the same decision you seem to have made at an earlier time in my life when I lost the weight equivalent to a second person in body weight. The blog may suffer if you have to slow down, but even if that happens, it is worth your health and happiness.

Have you tried mindfulness meditation? It's helped me to focus on being in the moment and not stressing about the future.

JP said...

Hey Dubba,
I've been visiting your blog now for about 4+ years, but this is my first post. Love your blog man. On the weekends, my wife and I always try to hunt for the goodies you post. I hope you feel better soon dude. Sending love from Los Angeles.


Anne said...

I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts! It's so great you can share your story with all of us. I think we all can learn something from each other and take comfort that we all go through ups and downs in life. Glad you seem to be on the upswing!

Morgan Medeiros said...

Hi, Dubba. My name is Morgan Medeiros. I've followed your blog for some time. I'm a Master's Credentialed Clinical Nutritionist. I'm so sorry to hear about your scare. If you ever need any resources, please feel free to reach out. Always happy to hear case details and point you in the right direction, free of charge. Wishing you well.

Shi Shia said...

Your Health comes first and foremost! You do whatever it is you need to do to be happy and healthy. I wish you all the best and I hope you feel better soon!

Dubba Scoops said...

Thanks everyone, I am grateful for all of your support!

@Joe: I do look up meditation from time to time :) I need to find one I like.

@Morgan: my goal is to not eat anything that's an irritant.... we'll see how that goes. I got a food journal going for good measure so that I can be more aware of how the day is going and what my be unsettling to my system. I used to use my phone but the built in app had no easy way to see the whole day at once.

Morgan Medeiros said...

Absolutely! Irritants can be very individual- you're on the right track with spicy foods, carbonation, high fat foods, etc. If the bleeding was GI in origin, they may end up recommending a low fiber diet at some point in order to let any irritation resolve. If you have any questions, feel free to follow up through email. Always happy to help!

Dubba Scoops said...

HA! I have been avoiding some of my favorite high fiber foods these early days just out of safety, things like mini wheats, corn/popcorn, etc, it's good to know that it makes sense!

Chip said...

Dubba,

I've only recently run across your blog, but I check it out every day or so now. Ice Cream is my weakness and I certainly enjoy reading your take on all of the ice creams out there. You've given me some great info on my next pint purchase and entertained me along the way. That being said, take care of yourself! I too suffer from 'stress mind'...too much worrying about things I can't control. I've started relaxing more and giving less ***** about things. I hope you can do the same. If you have to give this site up in order to be healthier, then do it! You will be missed if you go, but I would rather it be your own choice than one your health makes for you. Best of luck and rock on!

Morgan Medeiros said...

It absolutely makes sense! We often see those foods cause irritation in individuals who already have inflammation or motility issues; while a low fiber diet isn't beneficial in the long run, it can be helpful if there's been damage or acute inflammation in the GI that is causing bleeding.

At a certain point, high fiber foods are phased back in, as cutting out fruit, veggies, etc is problematic with regards to blood sugar control, blood pressure, and markers of chronic inflammation.

Anonymous said...

I am a pretty regular reader and I've never posted a comment but I want you to know that I love this blog but it's more important that you take care of your health and eat in the way that will best benefit you. Thanks for all the work you've done and I hope you get to feeling better.